Next week, Wal*Mart’s Konvenient Kliniks will assume the health care of our nation’s 9 million veterans. The Veterans Administration will be responsible for the upkeep of the U.S. Cemeteries here and abroad but all other function of that cumbersome agency will be assumed by proprietary corporations, whose efficient provision of cheap goods is universally popular.
Starting next week, all boards of education in all States and Territories are dissolved by Federal order. The education of all children shall be assured by the new Federal agency, H.S.N., the Home Schooling Network. Curricula for families is available through DJT Wine Club, complete with tasting notes. The new administrator of this new agency, replacing the Department of Education and its current boss, is the current CEO of the Home Shopping Network.
Work is already begun to transform all brick and mortar facilities of former institutions of higher learning into assembly and shipping centers for Amazon Prime order fulfillment. What has been known as Higher Education will now be universally available online from the University of Ajo, in southern Arizona. This is part of the MAGA priority of making broadband available to rural America.
These fantastic improvements will be available through a of doubling of Costco or Sam’s Club membership fees and a Value Added Tax at Dollar General Stores. Those making more than $170,000 annually, including U.S. legislators who cannot quite make it on so minimum a salary, will see their taxes reduced by 37% as the result of the savings in Federal spending. All other savings will go to boost military preparedness.
APRIL FOOL I hope!